burning down the house

Yet another important Burning House discussion.

Baxter:

at first i was like, ok this is reasonable
but then the list goes: “the usual: climbing sundries”
THE USUAL

Me: wait what?
people outside will give you food
is this guy’s house in the caves of mongolia

Baxter: also are you going to go climb a tree?
this person is bringing their Usher cologne with them –

USHER.

Me: like i think our main thesis in our problem with this site and its contributors is what they’re trying to put on
like here’s what I want you to know about me
this isn’t hipstercirclejerk.tumblr

Baxter: hahahaha, exactly
this person however –

…might be jason bourne?

Me: haha nk

Baxter: good job bringing your gopro and your glock
take some hi res video of you shooting someone’s head off
Also, i understand that having something of your grandparents is very like emotional and i get it, but like all of these are like, MY GRANDPAS GOOD FARTING PANTS

Me: hhaahahahaha dying
also, maybe the problem with this site is that they’re not setting up the fire scenario
like – how much time you have before certain death

Baxter: right? like ok if i have a day to inventory all my shit and have it ready in my head what im taking, or if i have one minute and its just panic

Me: all these hipsters are imagining very leisurely burning fires
like the fire is just sort of meandering its way through the house
but i think what it should be is YOU WOKE UP IN SMOKE
YOU HAVE A SINGLE MINUTE
YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TO CRAWL

Baxter:

this person is bringing coffee and a donut
and chocolate

Me: A DONUT
a cup of coffee on a plate
nail polish
TWO PENS
here’s another thing: everyone keeps forgetting THEIR WALLET
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EVEN GET A HOTEL ROOM
or go get a drink to forget your charred existence

Baxter: i have to send you this entire post because http://theburninghouse.com/post/41436675679/can-gokturk 

Screen shot 2013-05-16 at 4.13.11 PM

Baxter: for age they put the year
OCCUPATION
also appears to be a man, but is bringing pointe shoes

Me: BASSOONIST

Baxter: fairy chimney
carrot statuette
finger puppet
DIE IN A FIRE

Me: just carry this whole stupid dresser out with you
and trip on the stairs
and die
I HATE THIS

Baxter: just jump into the mirror you psycho

Me: hahahaha
is there anything you and I are more passionate about together
seriously, like we could go on for HOURS

Baxter: i was just thinking that
if the mere mention of this site occurs
all bets are off

Me: STOP EVERYTHING. DEAL WITH BURNING HOUSE.

Me: but seriously, you have one minute
what do you grab?
and you have access to most rooms, like the fire is on your roof but coming in hot
you have one minute
I’d grab – passport, cat, purse, keys, computer
and i’m thinking of other stuff but I’m like, I’d feel silly standing outside my burning house with a framed concert poster

Baxter: i just walked around my apartment
computer, ipad, phone, michael kors watch
maybe my running medals?

Me: i’m seriously going to walk around

Baxter: haha right? like i dont know

Me: what do I grab that I absolutely need or cannot replace
also, in this scenario, Toby better not be squirrelly and hide under the bed
wow seriously, toby might legit die in a fire scenario

Me: the only thing this site makes me want to do is to put things that are incredibly sentimental or irreplaceable into a bag I could grab in case of emergency
we could have a party where you come over with your bag and we JUDGE EACH OTHERS FIRE BAG

Baxter: hahaha omg thats a great idea
Fire party
Burning House Party

Me: seriously!!!!

Baxter: im serious!

Me: and we take pictures of it

Baxter: lets do it when we can have a fire in your chimnea and throw someone in it

Me: my cat

Baxter: hahahaha
sorry tobes

Me: since we’ve established she’d likely die
my uterus too
since it won’t be used before it expires

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antsy

I have almost emptied into my pants like, four times now.

1) Cars passing by
2) Violently blowy leaves
3) Screen door creaking – literally got up, confirmed lack of sneaky man
4) My coffee pot “popping” (?). I dunno, it does this gay popping thing when I leave it on. I practically shit myself.

I think if one of these nights I pass by my door, and some shadowy figure is just standing there – a dark figure behind my screen door – I will literally choke, cry, die. 2nd only in terror rating to foot-of-bed scenario. Like, just standing there. Waiting. 

Perhaps it’s time to go to sleep. I’m tired of waiting in the dark quiet for these damn downloads, I’m going to put my eye out over something dumb like my cat meowing.

no seriously, i knew her when

I keep seeing Kimbra all over the internet, mentioned in music blogs and whatnot, and it is so BIZARRE. Like awesome for her, but so bizarre. I remember seeing her at least once a week at various local cafes in Hamilton (NZ) – my cousin taught her guitar so I just like, knew this girl’s LIFE. Last time I saw her she was singing at a wedding in NEW ZEALAND, half away around the world, and now fast forward, super successful. She was super chill and nice, so yay for her.

Even weirder is how some Youtuber commented “I’m really attracted to his mouth” on this video.

the imperfectionists

“…but my point, you see, is that death is misunderstood. The loss of one’s life is not the greatest loss. It is no loss at all. To others, perhaps, but not to oneself. From one’s own perspective, experience simply halts. From one’s own perspective, there is no loss. You see? Yet maybe this is a game of words, too, because it doesn’t make it any less frightening, does it?

What I really fear is time. That’s the devil: whipping us on when we’d rather loll, so the present sprints by, impossible to grasp, and all is suddenly past, a past that won’t hold still, that slides into these inauthentic tales. My past – it doesn’t feel real in the slightest. The person who inhabited it is not me. It’s as if the present me is constantly dissolving.

There’s that line of Heraclitus: ‘No man steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man.’ That’s quite right. We enjoy this illusion of continuity, and we call it memory. Which explains, perhaps, why our worst fear isn’t the end of life but the end of memories.

Do I make sense? Doesn’t that seem reasonable? Mad?”

My favorite part so far from this quite delightful book.

new leaf

First day in the new place. Everything is still in boxes, but it’s slowly coming together.

settling in with my boxes and emo bangs

It’s so interesting how you can be in a “rut” of sorts for weeks/months/years, where things don’t change all that much and neither do you. And then, within a few days, your whole world can experience a whole slew of upsets, changes, or developments that change a lot. Things you’ve been thinking about or praying about for years can just … happen. Like that.

Such is life, I suppose.

family improvement

On Thanksgiving, like all families, my small family all gathered together. My mom had literally spent 2 days – her only 2 days off that week – slaving over the menu, cooking and stirring and preparing for 10 people.

We were instructed to come over at 12. We all got there closer to 1. My sibs and I, plus our only NZ cousins in the States, all sat around while my mom worked relentlessly, catching up and having a laugh, and I realized I really only got to see these people all together, who literally live right down the road, on holidays.

We all fed and drank and reminisced, but here’s where the story sorta sucks: come 6pm, we all said we had better plans and took off. With my mom and dad left with 3 hours of dishes ahead of them and not one of their grown children to help them with it.

Driving to my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving (which was really fun, nevertheless), I was so ashamed of myself, and looking back I really should have turned around. I was totally overwhelmed with sadness and felt so cross with myself. I mean, come on: we really suck.

It got me thinking: why, just one day out of the year, can’t we all just turn off our damn phones and social lives and just hang out with our family? The people we grew up with? Why was I not in that kitchen hanging out with my parents who, in 5 years time, might be living halfway across the world? What had changed so radically in our adult lives where we had better things to do than to hang out with our family all day just ONE full day?

Growing up, it was practically laughable to consider going anywhere on Christmas / Eve or Thanksgiving. Friends’ houses were out. It was great – we all hung out, played games, etc. The unspoken rules relaxed as we got older, and now, my sister 24, me 27, my brother 30, I feel like I hardly see them at all each holiday before we all bugger off on our own again. We’re all consumed with our lives, our girlfriends/boyfriends, our jobs, and we fail to realize that in 10 years time, we could all be living states/countries apart, and it might be a miracle to get one person to fly in, let alone 4.

I just wish we each put more importance our tight-knit family, who grew up without cousins or grandmas nearby, marooned in the middle of the US. I wish I knew my adult sister and brother better, and I wished I too placed more importance on getting to know my parents as an adult than I currently do. And I really wish I had realized this sooner.

So, for the New Year, starting now, I’m going to make that my resolution: to get to know my family better.

What’s yours?

Laura CS1 vs Laura CS5

In an attempt to FINALLY tackle the grand project of online design portfolio (paired with a snazzy physical version), I’ve had to review a lot of my past work in the past month or so.

Made senior year of college for fake camera-company. Look at that god-awful clipping path!

Oof.

Before I begin, allow me to disclose a disclaimer that this is not my attempt to rally up “awww you’re being so silly!” comments; this is totally not a gasp for ego-boosting.

I digress. In gathering up all my design work, I’ve had to peek into some of my long-since-completed “design” work. It’s equal parts interesting and “holy shit, what?” scary. Interesting, because I’ve clearly come a long way from that point (that being senior year of college) to my skill level now, and scary because my college-senior-self used to think that work was AMAZING.

Which only leads me to wonder if the work I’m making now, which I’m currently very proud of, is going to look scarily out-of-date and lacking skill to my future, 5-years-from-now self, or if it will stand the test of time.

This is one of the reasons that when I receive professional constructive criticism, I latch onto it like a bratty kid with a new toy.  I am so, SO greedy with it. I am STARVED for objective criticism (as I work in a very non-creative atmosphere) and openly welcome it so I can be sure the work I’m making is at least half as good as I think it is. My theory is – if it’s not good, just scare that high horse right from under me. I’d rather know the truth than go around showing shitty work, you know?

oliver

I just discussed with a coworker how fantastic it would be if (IF) you had a son, and you named him Oliver. Cutest damn name ever. (Yeah, I know it’s Lauren’s dog’s name.) She was all, that’s completely cruel, people will call him Ollie and what about the songs, Laura?! Whatever. Every grown up Oliver is the coolest. They always grow up to be web designers or DJs. I’d have that kid frikkin’ embrace the name. Example: if it wanted seconds, I would demand he ask by saying, “please, can I have some more?” HOUSE RULE.

And whatev to the critics. Try growing up a last name with the word cock in it. I understood by FIRST GRADE my lifelong nickname plight. And it is always – ALWAYS – the part that I have to constantly spell out for people, because apparently that syllable is impossible to understand or they’re just completely incredulous.  Them: “Is it c-o-k?” Me:  “Nope… c-o-c-k.”