I have almost emptied into my pants like, four times now.

1) Cars passing by
2) Violently blowy leaves
3) Screen door creaking – literally got up, confirmed lack of sneaky man
4) My coffee pot “popping” (?). I dunno, it does this gay popping thing when I leave it on. I practically shit myself.

I think if one of these nights I pass by my door, and some shadowy figure is just standing there – a dark figure behind my screen door – I will literally choke, cry, die. 2nd only in terror rating to foot-of-bed scenario. Like, just standing there. Waiting. 

Perhaps it’s time to go to sleep. I’m tired of waiting in the dark quiet for these damn downloads, I’m going to put my eye out over something dumb like my cat meowing.


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