take the jar of rocks, leave the pants

what this idiot would grab if her house was burning down

look at this asshole

me: uh, BRO … where’s the spare undies

Meagan: the whole point is to take a photo of the stuff you would save during a fire
and she takes her l’oreal mascara
and her jane austen book
its not, “Your House Is On Fire And You Need To Win A Hipster Contest”

me: ..the fuck is this mason jar?!
why are there not 1, but 2 forks

Meagan: LAURA
i took a drink
and it came out through my nose
like i choked
there is crystal light in my sinuses

me: seriously, what is in there
are those golf tees?

Meagan: “blue ball jar, filled with river rocks. souvenirs from a perfect day.”

me: god, for real
this is queer
like, okay, you hipster, if your house is literally burnt down you will have a mason jar full of rocks and NO SPARE SOCKS to wear

Meagan: im dyring
i cant event ype

me: hahaha
THIS:” •favorite tea towel, which was a gift”
gtfo, just leave
more appropriately, go die in a fire

shaking with laughter
i am this close to spit taking red crystal light all over my monitor

me: this is the best / worst thing I’ve seen all day

Meagan: EASILY
cast iron skillet
who grabs their cast iron skillet in a fire
like are you cooking something over the flames of your life
“l’occitane lavender hand cream”
buy another effing tube you dumb hooker


2 thoughts on “take the jar of rocks, leave the pants

  1. Okay, a couple things here:
    1) I’m SO taking the macbook and the iPhone. Then, I’m getting my child. In that order. This isn’t being posted publicly, right? RIGHT?
    2) She’s 20. ‘Nuff said.
    3) Apparently she has the ability to freeze time. So, she discovers her house is going to burn down and she presses pause. Then, she considers all her possessions for an unlimited amount of time and places high value on whatever she thinks will make others think better of her. And after she unpauses, she will realize that she forget to buy renter’s insurance because she’s 20 and she was spending all her time trying to think of what would make her look cool instead of calling the insurance company.
    4) Thank you for this. Highly entertaining.

  2. Pingback: burning down the house | suburban bohemia

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