wait, what? you did what?

Anyone who’s FB friends with me or talks with me on a daily basis knows that yesterday was so ridiculous, so inane, so incredulous for one particular reason. That reason is my landlord. I think it’s now officially safe to determine that my landlord is certifiably the most unprofessional and infuriating broad to rent from.

HERE’S WHY: she lost my cat y’all. LOST. While she was in my apartment without permission.

I get a call around 9:30 am, on perhaps one of the busiest mornings ever at work, and it’s my landlord. When I answer, she sounds meek and apologetic. She was in my apartment, without notifying me beforehand YET AGAIN, fixing the intercom which had broken LAST SUMMER. Yes, this means I literally told her about my intercom breaking a full calendar year ago, to which her initial response after 15 minutes of fiddling with it was shrugging her shoulders and saying, Well huh! don’t know what’s wrong with it. Gotta go! *leaves*

SO ANYWAY, she’s there fixing it. While there, someone leaves my front door open, and lo and behold my cat gets out. Shocker. She calls me in a panic when she can’t find it. She is literally looking and calling me repetitively for about 45 minutes. I tell her to check in the all the hiding spots – no luck – she checks out in the hallway, and Tobi’s out there hiding like an asshole. She’s back in.

And then, thirty minutes later, ANOTHER CALL. Tobi is lost, again. She asks me to go over all her hiding spots yet again. I do, so completely incredulous and trying to type emails at the same time. She finds her, again, hiding. (*I came home to an apartment last night that had clearly been gone thru in her search – cabinets, drawers left open, etc)

I feel it necessary at this point to send a friendly – and yes, it was friendly – reminder to my landlord’s email (which her and her husband read), gently stating that I’d really appreciate prior notification. Her husband almost immediately replies with, “That wasn’t an option this time. That’s why she was there.” I know, it makes no sense. Also, only appropriate response would have been, “Yep, sorry about that. Will do.” THAT IS IT.

So I type back that regardless, I still expect 12 hours prior notification so I can prepare accordingly. TOTALLY STANDARD PROCEDURE AMIRIGHT? Not to my landlord(s) apparently, as the husband calls up his wife and tells them what a total witch I am for expecting, (CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, WIFE?!) prior notification.

The landlord wife broad then feels it appropriate to call me up at work, and not stop calling until I answer. On the fourth ring I finally answer. She asks if she woke me from a nap. I reply, nope. At work. And then she launches into it – “apparently you sent an EMAIL, Laura?!” I reply I did, but it was just a reminder. It’s not like I copied Mark Funkhouser, who cares? She gets completely defensive about it, saying she’s always given me prior notification (once), she is allowed to be in the hallway without telling me (she was in my apartment, soo…??) and she manages lots of properties and blah blah blah.

I remind her that notification was not provided before. Every time, I am told after the work is done. Every time I’ve been home sick I’ve feared her quick “knock-enter” routine when I’m like, stepping out of the shower or walking around in my underwear. Also, a simple heads up the night before could have meant I kept my cat in the bedroom. Problem solved.

She continues to moan on about how stressed she is and x and y and the cat ran out and the guy was in and out and I was with him the whole time, what’s the problem? I firmly remind her that I simply require PRIOR notification. And I had to get back to work. She literally said, FINE. BYE. And hung up the phone. I’m confident everyone sitting near me was thinking WTF at my loudly gritting teeth and cursing under my breath.

I was shaking from incredulity and rage for about an hour, as you can imagine. Have you ever talked with someone who is so baffled by common courtesy that you start to doubt if you were being demanding? Or asking something extraordinary?

I’ve calmed down since. I’m sure she’ll anger-claim my whole deposit, to which – whatever. Hopefully she use it to fix the dozens of problems they never fixed. Lesson here, kids, is to make sure you read your lease good and thorough, and ask a LOT of questions. Having a bad landlord who doesn’t fix things and walks in at will, even when you’re in there, is equal to having a bad roommate who smells.

I just hope my cat pissed on her shoe!  CAT SCORN!


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