It was garbage day today. I’ve gathered up all mine, put it outside with my recycling, and I remembered that I had left another bag of styrofoam trash on my back deck. I go out there to get it. My old neighbors, who had moved out THREE months ago, had left their big plastic garbage bin. Being particularly curious about the smell of death that has been omnipresent every time I open my deck door, I investigated, opening the bin’s lid.

Omg, you guys, WTF. THEY LEFT 3 BAGS OF TRASH IN THERE. You know what happens to garbage, FOOD garbage, when it’s left to sit in the heat?


I like screamed in horror and ran inside. Who the hell moves and doesn’t throw out their GARBAGE?! PRE-SUMMER?!

Considering the following options:

a) coax boyfriend to come over today, don HAZMAT suit and dump entire bin in big dumpster. Requires prolonged close proximity and touching.

b) setting bin on fire

c) setting bin-opening hand,  short-term memory on fire

Seriously guys. You have no idea. It was just a big bin of maggots and fruit flies and hell and OMG IT’S COMING UP GOTTA GO OMG OMG–


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