“no. no you do not.”

Imagined conversation between me and Ke$ha.

Me: Oh…hey.

Ke$ha: Sup bitch?

Me: Yea, you know not much, the dog’s sick again…paying out my ass for its medicine. Same old. Listen, I wanted to ask you…what do you do?

Ke$ha: I just have fun, ya know? I just parttttyyyyy

Me: Yeah. Ok, but what do you even do? As far as I can tell, you talk over a beat and then a computer synthesizes your voice.

Ke$ha: I rap.

Me: No. No you do not.

Ke$ha: Whatever, got a light?

Me: I quit.

Ke$ha: Bitch.

Me: Yeah. Anyway. How old are you, like 17?

Ke$ha: 22.

Me: JESUS. Wow. Well. Um one more thing, when was the last time you washed your hair? I can smell it from here.

Ke$ha: Wha…what?

Me: Oh for f*ck sake…are you dancing on my couch? Get down. Get the f*ck … no you can’t throw up there that’s my dog’s bed. Sh*t. G*d dammit.


God, I giggled to myself for like three straight hours after reading that. God, I love this blog.


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