Working diligently at desk, googling something. Probably “kansas city cockroach problem yes?” or something similar.
Coworker literally appears out of air, and: “YOU SHOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT THAT WEBSITE, LAURA.”
ME (practically empty pants): GOOD GOD
Steve: Oh sorry…
Me: I am shaking, Steve. You could scare the nuts off a squirrel.
Steve: (looks at me like I just said I’d eat his children) Huh?
Me: Nevermind. You scared the crap out of me.
Him: ……….. just tell mike I’ll call him next week.
Me: (quivering) …. yeah. Will do.
A quick sampling of why I am, and will always be, too sarcastic and obnoxious for a white-collar office. NO ONE GETS IT.