I saw this band last night and they were fantastic!
Yet another important Burning House discussion.
at first i was like, ok this is reasonable
but then the list goes: “the usual: climbing sundries”
Me: wait what?
people outside will give you food
is this guy’s house in the fucking caves of mongolia
Baxter: also are you going to go climb a tree?
this person is bringing their Usher cologne with them -
Me: like i think our main thesis in our problem with this site and its fuckface contributors is what they’re trying to put on
like here’s what I want you to know about me
BUT THIS SITE ISN’T HIPSTER CIRCLE JERK.TUMBLR
Baxter: hahahaha, exactly
Me: IT’S WHAT THE FUCK YOU GRAB IN A GODDAMN FIRE
Baxter: they are missing the point
this person however -
…might be jason bourne?
Me: no way, he has a fucking android. he ain’t looking up shit.
Baxter: good job bringing your gopro and your glock
take some hi res video of you shooting someone’s head off
Also, i understand that having something of your grandparents is very like emotional and i get it, but like all of these are like, MY GRANDPAS GOOD FARTING PANTS
Me: hhaahahahaha dying
also, maybe the problem with this site is that they’re not setting up the fire scenario
like – how much time you have before certain death
Baxter: right? like ok if i have a day to inventory all my shit and have it ready in my head what im taking, or if i have one minute and its just panic
Me: all these hipsters are imagining very leisurely burning fires
like the fire is just sort of meandering its way through the house
but i think what it should be is YOU WOKE UP IN SMOKE
YOU HAVE A SINGLE MINUTE
YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TO CRAWL
this person is bringing coffee and a donut
Me: A DONUT
a fucking cup of coffee on a plate
Me: here’s another thing: everyone keeps forgetting THEIR WALLET
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EVEN GET A HOTEL ROOM
or go get a drink to forget your charred existence
Baxter: i have to send you this entire post because
Baxter: for age they put the year
also appears to be a man, but is bringing pointe shoes
Baxter: fairy chimney
DIE IN A FIRE
Me: just carry this whole stupid fucking dresser out with you
and trip on the stairs
I HATE THIS
Baxter: just jump into the mirror you fucking psycho
is there anything you and I are more passionate about together
seriously, like we could go on for HOURS
Baxter: i was just thinking that
if the mere mention of this site occurs
all bets are off
Me: STOP EVERYTHING. DEAL WITH BURNING HOUSE.
Me: but seriously, you have one minute
what do you grab?
and you have access to most rooms, like the fire is on your roof but COMING IN HOT
you have one minute
I grab – passport, cat, purse, keys, computer
and i’m thinking of other stuff but I’m like, I’d feel silly standing outside my burning house with a framed concert poster
Baxter: i just walked around my apartment
computer, ipad, phone, michael kors watch
maybe my running medals?
Me: i’m seriously going to walk around
Baxter: haha right? like i dont know
Me: what do I grab that I absolutely need or cannot replace
also, in this scenario, Toby better not be squirrelly and hide under the bed
wow seriously, toby might legit die in a fire scenario
Me: the only thing this site makes me want to do is to put things that are incredibly sentimental or irreplaceable into a bag I could grab in case of emergency
we could have a party where you come over with your bag and we JUDGE EACH OTHERS FIRE BAG
Baxter: hahaha omg thats a great idea
Burning House Party
Baxter: im serious!
Me: and we take pictures of it
Baxter: lets do it when we can have a fire in your chimnea and throw someone in it
Me: my cat
Me: since we’ve established she’d likely die
my uterus too
since it won’t be used before it expires
(which is giving me cancer, I KNOW) and I actually thought to myself, “Man…you know what would be nice? A big tanning bed that you could like walk around in and just tan, so you’re not bored for 15 minutes laying here.”
Then I was like, “Oh wait, that’s the outside you’re thinking of, Sade. The outside.”
So. Put me down pls.
Me: what happened in your past where you are so against social media
Me: …there’s some dark history there
Chris: think evil dead
Me: so who is the tree and who is the rape victim in this scenario
Chris: facebook. or pinterest, angies list, and myspace
Me: haha. i would be DEAD if you had a pinterest
Me: And I want the link to it immediately
Chris: well sorry to disappoint
Chris: dont tell me you have one to swap knitting patterns on
Me: not ever telling never nope
Chris: you do
Me: you haven’t even found my facebook
Chris: ha it wouldnt be hard
Chris: just pointless
Chris: unless you wanna be facebook official
Me: you don’t even have FB
Chris: of course i have a facebook
Chris: its just dusty and has cobwebs on it
Me: is that your cover image?
Me: just a single moth stuck in a cobweb
Me: your prof pic is that chiefs guy who shot himself
Me: …too soon?
Chris: dammit laura
Chris: yes too soon
Me: if I can handle a handicapped joke, you sure as shit can handle a Chiefs suicide joke
Chris: dont tell me how i feel!
Chris: youll never understand
Chris: you’re too numbed by the royals utter cataclysmic disappointment
Me: this is me, right now:
The moment I became a ghost:
Me: Your music means a lot to me. You all did an amazing job, thank you.
Mikel: I’m glad we could do that for you.
THIS SHIRT IS FLAWLESS.
Fashion vs groceries, part One Hundred Million.